Thoughts from Steven Wright, Part 1...

1. A lot of people are afraid of heights. not me, i'm afraid of widths.

2. Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

3. Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while i was a suspect.

4. Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

5. For my birthday i got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... i put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

6. George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.

7. How young can you die of old age?

8. I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

9. I have an answering machine in my car. it says, i'm home now. But leave a message and i'll call when i'm out.

10. I have an existential map. it has 'you are here' written all over it.

11. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. i keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

12. I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

13. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

14. I like to reminisce with people i don't know.

15. I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.